Sure, Instagram updated its blog and said you have nothing to worry about in terms of its controversial updated Terms of Service. But you’ve already jumped ship and migrated to Flickr, or you have complained enough in hopes that Instagram will take your concerns to heart.
On the off-chance that Instagram decides to implement Facebook-like strategies that put your content at risk, here are 10 reasons why your Instagram worries are stupid:
1. You aren’t as hot as you think you are
If you were a model, you would be getting paid to be a model.
2. You aren’t a food photographer
If you were a food photographer, you would be shooting for a food magazine, not #gastropost.
3. There are 1 million gay men doing exactly what you are doing on Instagram
Unless there is something exceptionally marketable about your underwear (#mundies), abs, beard (#beardsofinstagram), chest, tummy (#tummytuesdays) or half-crotch and/or butt (#trashyfridays), you’re fine. Breathe.
4. Your dog isn’t Boo.
Until Boo dies, your dog isn’t cute enough.
5. Your life isn’t as interesting as you think it is
Grainy shots at a club aren’t going to cut it for the next Cialis ad. Sorry.
6. You are stupid enough to post photos of your baby
If you want the bond between you and your baby to be sacred, don’t be an annoying show mom or dad. We get it, you had a baby.
7. You were already whoring yourself out to brands
Remember when you at mentioned @bebe because your bejewelled top really set off your #OOTD? You were playing the game before the game even started.
8. No one cares about your significant other
It is super-cool that you are happy and in love, but the fact remains, people who never met but are paid to look hot together in photos are going to sell timeshares better than you and your partner.
9. You uploaded professional DSLR photos
Are you dumb? Why did you do this in the first place? You are like the professional singer who goes to karaoke with a bunch of people who just want to get drunk and have fun.
10. More people care about One Direction than they do your nail art
Fact of life. Sorry.