Why being on hold with Rogers for 8.5 hours rotted my brain


I have been on hold, after a series of dropped calls and transfers, for approximately 7.5 8.5 hours.

As you may or may not know, Rogers Internet disappeared for several hours on January 9, and this caused some problems.

I noticed very early on that there was a problem with my Internet and called Rogers’ 24-7 tech support line to remedy the problem. That call lasted approximately 10 minutes, because the tech decided that my local connection was weak and that I’d need to have a tech swing by. This is the third or fourth time this solution has been suggested to me over the past year. The gentleman on the phone said “I can try reseting your modem” and I agreed that he should. He said because the online button was still blinking that I’d most certainly need to see a tech. This is where the troubleshooting ended. And the work was not done well—in past instances of down Internet and modem resets, my network has been reset to factory default and then renamed and configured to the network I had created. Instead, my call was dropped, I had no accessible network, and the Internet (that I accessed through my phone) was telling me that I just had to change my DNS settings and I could SURF THE ‘NET.

I couldn’t do that, because I couldn’t access my network. So I called again and waited on hold while my roommate pulled out DVDs to watch. She called on her phone and waited listening to prompt-free hold music (It was jazz. Bad, grating jazz.) Then my call was dropped. And then her call was dropped. I called again. By this point it was 11 pm, and I had been on hold with Rogers for approximately 4.5 hours. My roommate showered and went to bed and I played Tiny Tower while I stayed on hold. I would later eat the rest of the quinoa salad I’d made for dinner, eat a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, masturbate, play more Tiny Tower, watch several downloaded episodes of The Mindy Project, and read 1Q84. And then it was 4 a.m. A tech person answered my call and reconfigured my network. Network ‘Kevin’ was back. The time I lost was not.

Needless to say I slept in today, but as soon as I woke up I called Rogers. I spoke to a customer service representative who said that there was nothing she could do, and that I shouldn’t have held for so long yesterday. “We close at 2 am,” she said. “I spoke to someone at 4 am, and I needed to fix my Internet” I replied. I said I wanted to speak with customer retention because it was misinformation that spawned the long hold pattern, and that this is far from the first time this has happened in a 1-year period. She said she was unable to forward my call and that I would have to speak with tech support. I asked why and she said it was the only way. So I waited on hold for another hour. When a gentleman answered the phone, he checked over my modem settings as I told him why I was calling. He apologized for wasting my time, and he was unhappy with the customer service rep who forwarded me to him, since I had now just wasted his time. He quickly forwarded my call to customer retention to put me out of my misery.

Customer retention answered and listened. This would be the last time I’d tell my story to a person on the phone about how misinformation led to a second call, which led to a dropped call, which led to another call, which led to holding until 4 a.m. I know the outage was widespread, and that Rogers was fixing it as fast as it could, but had I never received misinformation, and had tech people been briefed on what had happened, my modem would have never been reset to its factory settings, I wouldn’t have had a dropped call, and I wouldn’t have lost sleep over it. I also wouldn’t have bad jazz music permanently in my brain, and I might never have learned to distrust women with robotic voices.

Rogers offered me a $25 credit, and this message: “technology is communication and it goes down sometimes.”

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