A day doesn’t go by when I don’t read a trying-to-behumorous, self-aware and self-deprecating Twitter laff about how a person, male or female, has JUST EATEN A SLICE/WHOLE PIZZA. LOL.
But my question is, what makes pizza so funny?
Pizza, as far as I can tell, comes in three shapes: square, rectangular and circular. It is a versatile food item—you can have it with meat, without meat, with cheese and without cheese, and it varies from person to person how much an individual can eat. It is also universally loved. Sure, some people don’t like pizza, but those people are crazy, and I’m pretty certain they also don’t like dogs, cats or happiness.
Is pizza supposed to be a shame-based food? Is the notion of a fairly attractive boy or girl staying home alone to eat pizza instead of having sex, going out with friends, reading a book, building a birdhouse or choreographing a dance number to Gangnam Style really that hilarious? If it is, you will have to explain to me WHY. I feel like eating a whole anything in one sitting is kind of an achievement, so I’d rather Emoji clap instead of laff out loud.
The way I see it, pizza humour has become the crutch of the comedically challenged. Pizza on its own is a funny word. It’s cacophonous, and everyone knows that cacophony is funny— like the word ‘spigot.’ The word ‘spigot’ is funny. But funny words require funny ideas. The cheese doesn’t stand alone. You wouldn’t listen to a standup routine of a comic who just says funny words. And listening to someone’s eating habits is akin to reading a really bad Livejournal account. So, if crutch comedy is the new comedy, then count me out.
Here are some crutch comedy staples that I would like to see gone in 2013:
1. Pizza humour
2. Fat people who exclusively make fun of how fat they are
3. Folksy ukelele playing of modern music
4. Gay guys trying to get banned by musical artists on Twitter
5. All iterations of “Modern Seinfeld”
6. Modern Seinfeld
7. Talking about how weird it is to have an affinity for dairy
8. Socially capable people who feign awkwardness