Welcome to Gay Fart of the Week, a new weekly feature where I talk to gays on the Internet who say interesting things, or make me laugh. I chose to start with writer Brian J Moylan, because we often troll each other, and I always find myself laughing at the things he says. He’s an open book, which is something I personally respond to, and he’s definitely not ashamed of all of the cock he gets because he is so popular. But there’s more to Brian than cock. He’s an accomplished writer, he’s in talks to work with Andy Cohen at Bravo in some capacity, and he’s likely—at one time or another—pissed you the hell off. Say hello to this week’s Gay Fart of the Week, Brian J Moylan.
Name: Brian Moylan
Occupation: Internet wastrel. (But officially Senior Writer at the just relaunched Hollywood.com, VICE magazine penis expert and Tubesteak columnist, and write for whoever will pay me to type my idiotic musings.)
You are a former Gawker shit disturber and a current Real Housewives expert. What is your end goal? Are you hoping to write a memoir based on your Grindr exploits? Do you want to be a comedy writer? Or do you just want to be gaymous? All of the above? I’ve never really had an end goal other than to be rich and have fun and so far I’ve only accomplished the latter. I got a masters in creative writing but started working at a newspaper in grad school and just followed the journalism path (if you consider recaps about Real Housewives journalism) since then. I always talk about writing a book or a TV series, but usually I just wind up on Grindr and don’t get shit done.
Have you ever received a sexy Direct Message on Twitter? Did you act on it? If yes, how was he? I have a friend who is a hot poet who lives in San Fran (if you could imagine such a thing) and we send some dirty DMs back and forth. I even Anthony Weiner-ed him my weiner. I’ve been found by fans on Grindr fairly regularly and I’ve hooked up with the hot ones.
Do you have a writing process? I actually hate the act of writing. I procrastinate a lot, and even when I’m writing I’m constantly checking email and Twitter and Facebook and anything that will get me away from writing for a second. Eventually, somehow, I get it done.
Who are your favourite social media gays? Why would you recommend reading about these men or women? I read a ton of Twitter. My former Gawker colleague Richard Lawson is hilarious on it, as is actor Jeffrey Self. Village Voice writer Michael Musto sends out his articles, which are perfect. Writer Sam Lansky and comedian Dave Rubin are good for jokes. But the best best best best BEST thing on Twitter is Tap That Guy, which is pictures that people take of hot guys in public. I’m obsessed.
You once wrote a long story about your Grindr profile for Gawker. Has this made you more or less popular on the service? Has anything weird happened as a result of exposing yourself online? As I said above, I get recognized on Grindr quite a bit, and I don’t really mind it. It happens to everyone. I could stop it if I wanted to, I guess. I would just have to shave my mustache. But I’m lucky that I have some really attractive fans and they give great head, and for that I am eternally thankful.
What advice would you give to a young person who might want to do what you do? Don’t. Really. Get a real job that will pay you some money and will give back to humanity. But if you really, really, really have to follow every move of the Housewives, you have to put things out there and get noticed. Have an original idea and put it on Twitter and Tumblr and Blogspot and Grindr and anything you can think of. If it’s good enough and the right people see it, it will lead to doing what you want to be doing.
How much research was involved in your Vice story about how to handle uncut cock? Well, I interviewed about six uncut gay guys for the story (you better provide a link or I’ll punch you in the taint // ed. note: LINK, OKAY? ) but I didn’t do that much hands on research. I’m American, so seeing an uncut cock is sort of like seeing Hailey’s comet but with balls. I figured if a seasoned cocksucker such as myself had no clue how to do it, then there were plenty of others (especially girls) who needed some pointers too. One of my subjects sent me pics of his dick. Damn. I’m still salivating.
There are many representations of gay men in the media. When have movies and television gotten it right? Where has it gone very wrong? I think most representations of gay men in the media are good. Jack from “Will & Grace” may be super flamboyant and queeny, but who doesn’t know a Jack in real life. (And personally I think queens are the best because they’re so subversive to greater ideas about masculinity.) I think the best is a show like Happy Endings where they show a gay guy who is kind of butch and definitely gay, but that isn’t like his defining characteristic. He also has a friend who is super queeny and not marginalized. I think the only way to get it wrong is when the gay is the murderer or the bad guy or victimized or has to die. That’s what I didn’t like about the gay in Skyfall. Do we always have to be evil? Well, more evil than we already are.
How would you describe Twitter to a gay man? It’s like sitting at brunch next to a bunch of drag queens and they just won’t shut the fuck up but you want to hear everything they say. And if one of the queens gets annoying, you just kill her and replace her with someone more interesting. Like me!